May 5, 2023 3 min read Guided Meditation for Members

A Meditation for When Everything is F*cked Up

Here’s the thing: your practices are going to suck sometimes. There will be noise, hurt, or stress that makes it hard to meditate. You may be over capacity and wondering HOW meditation can possibly help.

Photo by Thomas Stephan / Unsplash

As the title says, this guided meditation is for when Everything is F*cked Up:

You’re in a bad mood
There’s a barking dog (or other unpleasant noises, like your kids).
You can’t focus, concentrate, or think
You keep using your fat, potty mouth

I typically try to practice saucha (or cleanliness) with my speech, but in this meditation, I’m dropping some F-bombs!

This meditation will teach you a new mindset and approach to meditating during chaos SO THAT YOU CAN meditate during chaos!

Embrace the chaos monkeys as teachers (but don’t forget your boundaries).

Let’s say that barking dog is happening FOR you.

That stress is happening FOR you.

The noise and annoyances are happening FOR you.

These are teachers. These are things you likely cannot control. So how do you deal with them? How do you learn to coexist with them? How can you make peace with the things you do not like?

Is it possible to meditate even when there’s construction noise, a nagging feeling of existential crisis, or a whiny child in your house (whom you love very much) with a head cold who constantly cries, “MoM!?!?!?”

Meditation is the absence of the fluctuations of the mind. There’s nothing in the yoga sutras (that I’ve found yet) that says we need to find a QUIET PLACE in order to meditate. The sutras teach that we are to calm the waves of our mind. Period. The sutras say we are to go within. I take that to mean we go within regardless of what’s happening on the outside of us.

I get into this before the meditation begins. It will be a very sweary meditation! But since I recorded it with a chirping smoke alarm and construction noise in the background, this one is a freebie. Yes, due to poor audio and my potty mouth, I didn’t feel right charging for it! But this is also an important message for anyone learning to meditate (no matter how long you’ve been meditating). You can be a beginner meditator or a veteran and still benefit from this very f*cking sweary guided meditation practice!

Enjoy a brief talk + meditation with a few minutes of relaxing music at the end.